Catch Them Bein Good
Part 2 of How to Motivate an Unmotivated Homeschool Child
This is the second post & video about helping motivate your unmotivated homeschool kid.
First were the prerequisite questions. Once you have taken care of all of their basic needs no matter how old they are, now you want to work on
catching them being good.
I know this doesn't sound like much of a discipline technique. It may even sounds a little fluffy but truly if you have a child that is
associating themselves with an identity of negativity, they may just keep getting in trouble because of that. They'll think "I'm a bad boy" or "I'm a I'm a naughty girl," or even as a teenager "I'm not worth much." This is the most important time reaffirm the positive. You want them to see the potential of who they can become through the reflection of your eyes. You are telling them what their identity truly is - someone who's capable of
being good and obedient. You want to affirm that with evidence of catching them being good.
Maybe they're don't even see their own good behavior. Sometimes you have to stretch it a little - you might see them right before they do something naughty, like pinch their sister. So before they get a chance to do it you stop them and say "Oh, I'm so pleased that I saw that you were thinking about pinching your sister but you didn't do it. What a good boy that you're restraining yourself from doing that.
Another idea is to downplay or even occasionally ignore the bad. Since you don't want to exclusively reinforce the mistaken idea that no matter
what they do they're going to get in trouble. A lot of times they're trying to be good and they may feel that no matter how hard they're
trying they can't accomplish it. Catching them being good breaks that cycle of negativity.
You can also use this to minimize or stop the amount of whining in your home. It works like this: they start to whine and you say "Honey, it's
hard for me to hear a whiny voice but if you speak in a normal tone of voice, then I think that I'd be able to hear that. Can you say that again in a regular tone of voice?" You have to model what that is and then when they do ask without whining, they get lots of affirmations, "Absolutely, you can have another cracker." You are truly reinforcing the good behavior all the while you're refraining from labeling them. Saying things like, "You're so whiny. Why are you doing that?" doesn't accomplish anything.
I love catching them being good, and it's even better if you can reward them for it. Maybe just a little thing like: you get to help stir dinner, or sure you can bake cookies with me, or for a teen you can reward them with the screen time that they've been asking for. You just give them a little bit extra to reinforce their good behavior.
It's really important to to not consider this task of catching them being good something that is going to make an immediate change. This is something you're doing for the long haul, but it will pay off tremendous rewards.
Another tip is to have a lot of affirmative language, a lot of enthusiasm in your tone of voice, smiles on your face, and maybe pat them on the head or back for being good. Different children are going to feel loved in different ways, so and touch is important to every child, but some children especially need more touch than others. For those kids part of reinforcing the good behaviors will definitely include touch.
Good luck with your homeschool!
